February 2013
1 post
Journal Entry #1
2013 didn’t start off so hot, and I really want to rewind and have another shot at this year. I’ve lost 4 people close to my family through deaths and have literally stopped contacting everyone I used to. I most likely won’t ever talk to my ex ever again, and that hurts. It hurts to know that you could fuck up so much that someone will never talk to you again. It also hurts...
December 2012
2 posts
Today
Today, I realized how fast people come into your life, and how much faster they leave your life. I’m just gonna remain quiet, and stick to myself, because I’m awkward at conversations anyway, and people don’t like me. I’m not the likeable kind. I’m just me. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m far from my biggest fan as well, but a small part of me actually likes...
1 tag
THINKING WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. FUCK THIS..
November 2012
1 post
2 tags
Rough night kind of.
I find myself thinking of you. I don’t know why. I have no reason to do that. I just hope you’re okay. Wherever you may be. I’m terrible at letting go. I just don’t wanna see your life wrecked by what I did. I hope you’ve found some good in your life. I hope you smile all the time. I hope you never cry. I hope whoever loves you next, loves you 90 times more than I...
October 2012
3 posts
4 tags
Well
I really want to talk more to him. I don’t really know much about him, but I know that he is shy, and it shows. I wish he would open up. Maybe the age difference? I hate my age. I hate how everyone on here is just too young to even be associated with. I’m sick of meeting all these perfect people, and then realizing that they are like half my age. You can’t be perfect, if...
September 2012
8 posts
In Memory Of Jamey: Day 7: To the Rest of My Life →
the0riginalginga:
Today was a good day! I’m not going to dwell on it much, because when I do, the next day sucks balls. I’m finally happy again. Well, generally happy. Not saying that its perfect, but it is getting better and better, as the days go on. Its nice, when you meet someone, and get a chance to talk to…
Day 6: To the Rest of My Life
Truthfully, I should be riding the high I was on Thursday. Work got stressful today. Knocked me down, but far from out. I woke up at like 5, and could remember telling myself, that I’m far from ready to go to work, so I laid back down, and a co-worker came and got me. Small victory for the day? I got my bike back yo. I’m so amp’d up to get back on the old thing. Been broken for...
Day 5: To the Rest of My Life
What can I say? Today, was the best day I’ve had in over a month. I was on it today. I was in beast mode. I felt good. I felt like I looked good. I think I made a new friend. He bro-zoned me though ._. Like, I’m okay with it, but fuck. Anyways, shit happens. Back to today. Today was just awesome. I literally felt it the minute I rolled out of bed. You look at the mirror, and on goes...
Day 4: To the Rest of My Life
Anyone else feel like I’m writing some sort of story here? Okay, just checking. Today was a fucking disaster. Mentally? I was just done. Physically? Not bad, but I could have used a Red Bull, or something, to get me going. I always tell myself, once you start off sluggish, expect the rest of the day to be just as bad. I figured, maybe, I could pull myself out of the funk I found myself in....
Day 3: To the Rest of My Life
I totally lost control and messaged Caleb last night. Basically, it was a try at sympathy. Hoping he would respond and talk to me. Hoping for something, that just doesn’t exist. I told him to be careful. Wear protection when you do what you do. I worry about him so much. I know that sex is going to happen, and that I can’t control that, but it still worries me. I wear the pink bracelet...
Day 2: To the Rest of My Life
Day 2. The day where you face yourself and admit that you have a problem. The moment in time where you are face to face with the demon inside you, and you declare as loud, and as bold as you can, that you will defeat it anyway possible. I find myself starting to smile again. Really genuine smiles too. I’ve missed that. I looked in the mirror today, and actually smiled at my reflection. How...
In Memory Of Jamey: Day 1: To The Rest Of My Life →
the0riginalginga:
Friday night, into the wee hours of Saturday morning, I tried to take my own life. I’ve never actually ‘tried’ before, but at around 1:30 am on Saturday, September the 8th, I came within moments of taking my own life. Just saying goodbye to all the bullshit. Taking control back into my own hands,…
love and death and just about anything I can...
You know what the hardest part of life is? Watching someone you really thought highly of, fall and hit rock bottom so hard, that the next time you talk to them, they aren’t the same person they were the last time you shared a conversation with them. Since February, I’ve kept everything inside. I’ve put on a smile, covered my scars, and just kept all my darkness inside, where I...
June 2012
2 posts
drinking
I don’t drink often. Actually, I don’t even really drink. I now know why people get so low. The pain is sometimes unbearable to withstand. I’m not making excuses either though. I fucked up. I want Caleb more then anything. I know I don’t treat him right. I also know I can treat him way better. I just want him. I want him to marry me. I don’t want him to go away. I...
Caleb
The absolute love of my life. I’m just too broken to be everything he wants and needs. It is unfortunate that we are no longer together and surely I will lose many tears over it, but I have to look forward, as the sun will still shine. Also, I hope me pushing him away helps him find someone awesome. I’m going to miss him. His eyes, his hair, his mouth, his teeth, those ears and THAT...
April 2012
2 posts
In Memory Of Jamey: Honestly →
coderrrrr:
If you have NOTHING better to do then spread hate and tell others to kill themselves, because they are somewhat slightly different then you,then you deserve the worst this world can throw at you. How do you even think for one second, that you deserve to live on this planet, when all you do is…
What’s hard to comprehend is the fact that you are now single. I hear stories of you and they break my heart. I hear things from people and instantly start to get defiant towards their allegations that they hold against you. I don’t know anything about you, but from what I have observed over the last month or so, it’s easy to tell that people are out to either abuse your...
March 2012
2 posts
I just wish I was good looking. Not like supermodel status or anything, but at least somewhat attractive that people stop and somewhat glance in my direction. I mean, my face is a mess due to the sweat and the fact that I don’t know how to keep the acne under control. I have been resisting the ProActiv way for a long time, but now it seems to make more sense as the days go by. To be honest,...
I just want happiness. Doesn’t everyone want that? Like, for the most part, I feel I am happy and when I feel myself getting to a point of unhappiness, I just retreat and watch a hockey game or watch highlights from an old game. Hockey is my life. It’s always been the one thing I can go to and know that it won’t hurt me. Even if ‘my’ team looses, I still don’t...
